When I meet with single women looking to find love, one of the first things I do is size up the quality of their break-up alarm clock. You know, the little siren in every woman’s heart that goes off when she knows it is truly time to separate from a lover? Now, some may find it strange that I start the process of helping my clients achieve healthy relationships by looking towards the break-up, but I assure you there is a reason to it. In my experience as a dating coach, I have found that a woman’s ability to know when to end a relationship often reflects her ability to have a healthy one. And that’s where the break-up alarm clock comes in!
What is a break-up alarm clock?
As I mentioned before, a break-up alarm clock is the alert that sounds when you know you must end a relationship. The break-up alarm can sound in any number of ways and varies widely from woman to woman. You may feel increasing and unsolvable irritability towards your partner. Your physical attraction can dwindle. And in extreme cases, you may feel sensations of panic or danger that alert you to get away quickly in order to protect yourself.
How can I tell if my break-up alarm clock is working right?
When I evaluate the quality of a new client’s break-up alarm clock, I often look to see when it sounds and how loudly as well as how quick she is to respond to her alarm. A few months ago, I met with a young woman whose ex-boyfriend stole money out of her bank account on three separate occasions before she felt it was time to break up. It doesn’t take an expert to know that something was clogging up her clock’s gears! Obviously she and I had a lot of repairs to make before her ability to love properly would be in working order.
Experience has taught me that the best break-up alarm clocks are found within women who have equally high-functioning self esteem and enforcement of personal boundaries. What’s more, the loudest alarm clock won’t do its job if you have your finger on the snooze button. I usually can tell that there is something wrong with my sleep schedule if I am pressing snooze on a regular basis. The same is true for women who snooze when it comes time to end a relationship. Their alarm clock may be working just fine, but something else is causing them to delay the break. Many times this “something” relates to faltering self esteem or the inability to fully enforce personal boundaries: the features that I mentioned before were possessed by women with the best ability to judge when their relationship had reached its end.
Can I fix or upgrade a malfunctioning break-up alarm clock?
If you suspect that your break-up alarm clock is under-performing, you are not doomed to sleep past each relationship’s end forever. You can quickly ratchet up the volume on an inaudible clock by practicing your ability to set and abide by personal boundaries. You can polish up a rusty model by investing in your relationship with yourself and learning how to provide for your own needs. Loving yourself, understanding your own needs, and enforcing your personal limits are the perfect ways to keep your break-up alarm clock in perfect working order. Before you are ready to meet your match, you must have the ability to wake up to your incompatibility with a partner and end a relationship that does not satisfy you. That way, when you actually meet a compatible mate, you won’t have to think twice when all you hear is the sound of silence!
What do you think? Is it time for a tune up? Or does your break-up alarm clock get you up every time? Don’t snooze, leave me a comment!
p.s. Need some 1-on-1 coaching to tune up your alarm? Click here to apply!