“Why are you eating that?”
“That greasy, fattening chow you have here. It’s going to clog your arteries!”
“How can you know?”
“Don’t you read papers or magazines? Every research has proved it to be unhealthy.”
“Oh, but I don’t need to live very long. I want to be able to eat what I love while I’m alive…”
Does this sound familiar? Does your partner refuse to get on the health wagon with you?
‘I know my diet is much better. How can I get him to change?”
He needs to change. Or does he? Remember that Billy Joel’s tune?
I said I love you and that’s forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are…
Do you even remember you signed up for “who he was”, instead of “who he could be”? Why are you so eager to change him now? Don’t you trust him that he can make good decisions for his life? Instead of spending time listening and discovering the person in front of you, you are trying to make him into whom he “should be”.
It’s important not to treat your partner as you would treat your children. You can decide what’s good for your children before they have the ability to do so themselves. But you do not have to make decisions for your partner.
Being vegetarian or eating raw food is a lifestyle choice any adult can make for him/herself. “But I know I am right. He should not eat junk food.” Well, I’d say that maybe he should. Why? Because he actually does. All our stress arises from resisting what the reality is.
We often weave a self-pitying narrative from a mere thread. “If he does not get on board with my latest conviction of vegan/raw/no-carb/low-sodium, it means that he does not respect me/ he is eating himself sick/ he will die young…” But is that true?
We can never be sure. Can’t we? We have all heard stories of some healthy-conscious athletes dying of heart-attack, or some chain-smoking dudes living till 92.
People do change, but usually on their own terms. When we feel pushed or manipulated to change, we resist it.
I change when I feel like it. I was chubby when I started dating the guy who later became my husband. I remember him delivering five different kinds of lettuce to my apartment, implying that I should change my diet and lose weight. Now THAT did not work. (He could have chosen something more appealing…). I knew I was not slim but I was not ready to change my diet and life style.
We are all human and we have our own little ‘flaws’. We take forever with our make-up, we leave our rooms messy, we can’t get unplugged from internet. Chances are, he is human too. If you decide to encroach on his territory, he might develop the habit to hide or lie as a way to simply avoid argument. This is what children do. But you need to acknowledge that where he is now is precisely the first step to facilitate any future change. By allowing him to be who he is you prepare the ground for the relationship to grow.
Having said that, some strategies are more effective than others when it comes to the war of different eating habits.
There are three forms of negotiations in a relationship: invitation, request, and demand. If your invitation always encounters “NO” as an answer, it’s time you made your invitation more…inviting! I have good news for you: my friend Nathalie Lussier, aka the raw foods witch, is an expert on this. She successfully converted her boyfriend to eating RAW. And yes, even a health junkie like me found that bit tough-going. Can’t wait to hear more how Nathalie used her magic wand to survive the raw upheaval and even thrive in her happy relationship.
Nathalie and I will be hosting a free tele-class on Jan 21st to share with you the goodies. Even the most stubborn guy will find your invite irresistible.
During the call, you will learn
• A 10-step action plan to have peace at the dining table.
• How to make ONE meal that the whole family will love, saving you time, money, and energy
• How to Get Your Meat ‘n Potato Lover To Try Your Food
• How to Enjoy a Peaceful Meal Together Even If You Know He’s Eating Himself Sick.
• How to make effective request instead of complaints
p.s. Have we spoken 1-on-1 yet? Click here to send in your application!