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No More Bad Boys: Learning How to Choose the Love You Want and Need

Have you ever said something along the lines of, “I know he’s bad for me, but he’s just too sexy/smart/successful to resist”?  Or, perhaps you have patiently listened time after time as your girlfriends explained why they just could not quit the bad boy in their life?  Most gals I know have fallen, at least once, for a guy from the wrong side of the tracks, only to face disastrous and heartbreaking consequences.  And many of these same ladies end up going back for more.  If this sounds familiar, you may want to ask yourself a few key questions to determine how you can quit the bad boy addiction in your life and choose the love you want and need.

Question #1 – Why am I attracted to bad boys?

If you’re a good girl with an inexplicable taste for bad boys, you probably can’t put your finger on exactly why.  Believe it or not, the irrationality of your attraction is most likely what keeps feeding it.  Women who fall for heart breakers are often addicted to the adrenaline associated with vulnerability and feeling out of control.  Bad boys offer an antidote to everyday tedium and infuse life with drama, adventure, and spontaneity.  My clients often complain that nice guys bore them.  “It’s just too easy!”  The stress of an unstable relationship can be addictive because of the distraction it provides from the every day.

Question #2 – How do my relationships with bad boys typically end?

If bad boy flings didn’t typically end with piles of crumpled tissues, there would be no need to write or read this article.  However, they’re called “bad boys” for a reason:  because relationships with them usually end badly.  Take an inventory of your love life and count the sleepless nights you have tossed and turned over that guy you knew all along would do you wrong.  If you’re like any of my girlfriends, you’ll probably discover that the ratio of good times to bad times doesn’t often work out in favor of dangerous dudes.  Being honest with yourself about the quality of your previous relationships will help you identify negative patterns and change them!

Question #3 – Can I actually quit bad boys and choose the love I deserve?

This is the question that often elicits a skeptical groan from my clients.  “I know he’s up to no good but he sure makes me feel good!”  These women are often afraid that taking bad boys out of their love diet will leave them with nothing but bland, boring male fare.  If these doubts ring a bell, the truth will probably surprise you.  There is a little known secret to capturing the heat a bad boy generates without getting burned: adventure.  Infusing each new romance (with a good guy, hopefully) with excitement and spontaneity will replicate the feeling of adrenaline that you receive when a new bad boy walks your way.  Yet, the results will most likely be a lot less tear-filled.

Choosing the love you want and need is not about depriving yourself of attraction and excitement, but it is about avoiding needless heartache and anxiety.  If you’ve asked yourself these questions once you still may want to bookmark the page.  These questions can be answered over and over again and still reap new results every time.   But remember, it is vital that you be more honest with yourself than the bad boy in your life would likely be:   only then will you truly be able to choose the love you want and need.

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As Featured In Elle Magazine