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How to Be Irresistible to Men Without Changing Who You Are

The first time I met Shannon, I saw right away that she was beautiful, bright, spunky, and full of energy.  “What a catch,” I thought to myself.  To my surprise, I soon discovered that the men in Shannon’s life did not share my opinion of her.  “I might as well be pushing single guys away,” she told me, “because they always end up running in the opposite direction.”  Puzzled, I asked Shannon to meet with me over the next several months in hopes of figuring out her problem and helping her discover how to find a man who would see her like I did:  as an incredible, irresistible woman.

Although I didn’t see Shannon again for a long time,  she then immediately began meeting with me on a weekly basis.  You see, every time we got together, I was introduced to a new version of Shannon.  For our first scheduled meeting, Shannon arrived sporting new black-rimmed glasses and a purse overflowing with books and literary magazines.  “I met a writer!” she excitedly told me and we spent fifteen minutes talking about everything from poetry slams to the New York Times bestseller list.  Finally, I interrupted her, “But what about you, Shannon?  How are you?”  She paused for a long time, unsure of how to answer, “Me?  Oh sure, I’m doing just fine.”  And she left it at that.

Later, I met with Shannon the yoga guru, Shannon the travel buff, and Shannon the health nut:  each new version inspired by the latest love interest in her life.  She tried to remain positive as each new guy gradually stopped returning her calls and slowly faded into oblivion.  It didn’t take long for me to figure out the problem.  One afternoon, I invited her to coffee and as we sipped our lattes I explained, “Shannon, I know exactly how you can be irresistible to men.  But I don’t think you’re going to like it.”  She was all ears.  “Shannon, you need to be irresistible to YOU!”

Shannon knew very well how to zero in on the strengths, quirks, and passions of each new guy who came into her life.  But she was clueless when it came to herself.  She quickly molded her personality to meet the perceived needs of the object of her affection, at the same time becoming more of a mystery to herself with every new date.  And the guys were certainly onto her!  As soon as her latest suitor caught on to her chameleon-like ways, he was out the door in no time.  Shannon’s first reaction was to punish herself.  On more than occasion she told me, “I just wasn’t good enough for him.  Next time I’ll be better and he’ll stay!”

But the problem wasn’t that Shannon wasn’t good enough for the guy, it was that she wasn’t good enough for herself.  Like many woman I know and work with, Shannon would rather put on a mask and play a part than simply show up on a date as her own smart, witty, energetic self.  Shannon is not completely off base.  We all have to put on different hats, depending on the situation:  in a job interview, at a neighborhood meeting, or even on the subway.  However, in the dating world, there is not a graver mistake.

Men are not dazzled by how well a woman can change her personality and interests to fit his interests; men are irresistibly attracted to women who are first and foremost head over heels for themselves.  A confident woman who knows who she is and what she wants is a love magnet; the positive energy she radiates draws guys in and makes them never want to leave.  Ultimately, a woman who owns her unique and loveable self ends up being the heartbreaker instead of constantly getting her heart broken.  When I explained all this to Shannon, the difference in her love life was miraculous.  Are you curious to know how she made the change?  Stay tuned for Part Two to read the rest of Shannon’s story and find out more secrets for how you, too, can be irresistible to men without changing who you are.

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As Featured In Elle Magazine