Women in NYC often tell me that they don’t have time for dating. From the very limited dating they actually do, they admittedly “fall in love” immediately, yet with little chance to take the relationship anywhere. My first suggestion is to be clear about what you are ready for at the moment. Do you prefer to continue (or expand) “recreational dating” or you are looking for “the one”? I have a few tips for single gals, particularly useful for those are new to a city:
1. Drop the No.1 man repellent: being so needy!
I’m not telling you to pretend that you don’t care while deep down you are obsessive. That would smell fake anyway. Instead, I am suggesting that you spent time enjoy YOUR life and exploring yourself instead. You’ll be much more attractive if you have a life first. Don’t lose your identity to your boyfriend immediately, especially when many of your likes and dislikes are not clear yet. It takes some trial and error to understand what will work for you. Hopefully this is the last time you are single in your life, so why the rush to end it asap? Why not trying things that might be tougher once you in a serious relationship – traveling backpack style, taking Italian/dance/kendo whatever lessons, volunteer in Africa… Work hard, save some dough, go places, enjoying the company of good friends and just living a great life. Treat your date as a delicious dessert instead of the main course. Otherwise you’ll experience the end of the world when you break up.
2. Be the chooser, not the chosen.
Choosing a guy is like picking a stock to invest, probably one of the most important investment decisions you can make in life. Imagine how much time and energy you are going to share with this person, the stake is really high. So choose carefully and look beyond the surface. Don’t rush in for the blue-chip stocks (tall, dark, handsome, rich…) and compete with everyone else. Find one that in alignment with YOUR values. Material stuff comes and goes and people change jobs every so often but the essence of the person remains and that’s what matters. Learn the skills necessary to be able to initiate the contact comfortably in social occasions. If there is some potential guy on your radar screen, you should go for it and check it out.
3. Red flag waving
If you have difficulty judging when to call it quits, here are some pointers for you. Get out asap if you see the following signs – it will save you a lot of heartache in the future.
- Bad manners/rudeness: There is no excuse for being rude to other people, least of all when you first meet them and are trying to make a “good” impression on each other.
- Incongruent behavior: if your date tells you one thing, but his actions contradict that.
- Sudden temper: does your date behave weird with sudden temper outbreaks, raising his voice for no apparent reason?
- Self-absorbed behavior: is your date too engrossed in his own stories? Does he fail to listen to you and doesn’t seem to care about you?
Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to be.” I say, “Be the person you want to date.” The more you live your life, the more likely you attract the guy you want. If you want to learn more about dating and relationships, download a special report by signing up on the sidebar from my site here.
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